In early 2010, I fell to the ground from the 18th floor of my apartment in Beijing, China. I have no memory of how the accident happened or of circumstances that led to it. At the time, I was employed as a marketing buyer—a job which required a lot of travel and long hours. The pressures of the job turned me into an insomniac and often left me in a state of melancholic lethargy. After I fell, many people (including my parents) thought that I had tried to commit suicide, but that was not true. I would never try to destroy my life in such a daring manner.

I fell on snow-covered ground, so I was partially buried for several hours before being found. My hands and feet were seriously frostbitten, and I had several broken bones and fractured ribs. My spinal cord was also seriously injured, which limited my movement from my chest down.

After receiving treatment for over a year, there was no sign of recovery from the spinal cord injury. Other serious complications had developed as well: paralysis of my upper extremities, blockage of my urinary and anal passages, spastic cramping, muscle degeneration, and deformation of bones and ribs. Still, I hung on to the false hope that what I was going through was just a nightmare, and one day I would wake up and be normal again. I fantasized that I would get my vitality of life back, return to my regular job, resume the courtship with my boyfriend, and have a harmonious relationship with my parents again.

The Aftermath of Injury

When it was evident that further improvement of my physical condition was not foreseeable, my relationship with my parents began to deteriorate. Taking care of me had put an enormous burden on them, even with two caregivers hired to attend to me. I had once been the apple of my parents’ eyes, but I became—from their perspective—a person to be ridiculed. The kind mother I had known became quite belligerent and bitter toward me. The strong father I used to know became a pessimistic and negative person. I also had to tolerate unfriendly gazes and ridicule from other people.

During this time, my most urgent desire was to die as soon as possible. I wished to cease being a burden to my family and friends and to cease living a tortured existence. My situation could be described as the Psalmist said—like a worm and not a human being (Psalm 22:6). I really felt that the life of an insect had more dignity than mine as a human being. I lived with regret, despair, and hopelessness, while at the same time yearning for something to change to make my life better.

Fortunately, God showered a blessing on me by sending messengers of the Gospel to bring me good news. Mr. and Mrs. Dong Tung showed genuine compassion for me, and over a period of time, they shared their faith in Christ with me. They also introduced me to the study of the Bible. The Holy Spirit began to work in my heart, and on November 2, 2011, I confessed my faith publicly, and I was born again!

Accepted, Just As I Am

After I became a Christian, my state of health did not change drastically. I still had to live my life from a wheelchair. Nevertheless, there was a complete change from inside my heart. Previously, I was reluctant to get out of bed in the morning—usually because of having spent a sleepless night—but also because I faced life with no hope or energy. I could not face the gazes of pity or contempt on the faces of my family members and friends. But with Jesus, I could see a way out of the darkness into a future bright with hope.

The bondage of fear and ridicule could not hold me down anymore. I ceased to be afraid of living! I realized that my identity was not in my disability, but on the eternal God—with me as His beloved daughter! I understood that the God of creation cares enough to accept me as I am, and because of His love, there is no reason for me to feel inferior. The blood of the Lord Jesus Christ has cleansed me from all of my sins and iniquities. Everything in my life that had gone wrong and left me without hope is now redeemed by Christ. I have become a new person. The old things are gone, and everything has become new again (2 Corinthians 5:17).

A New Guide, a New Perspective

With God as my guide, my life began to be restored one step at a time. I was given the opportunity to work as a part-time translator in a law firm located in Guangzhou. Following this leading of God, an accounting firm in Beijing hired me to compile updated company data on the computer. Now—having a heart to try new things—I started to study piano and learn to sing. I opened my home to become a meeting place for my church, and even volunteered to teach the Bible for the organization God Will Provide (GWP) which offers interactive group Bible learning on the internet. This gave me the opportunity to mentor a sister, who is also an invalid, in studying the Bible. To further increase my own knowledge of the Bible, I began taking interactive online courses from a major seminary in the U.S.

Through the unique experiences of life that I have had, God is using me to help people—especially people afflicted with life-threatening illnesses, disabilities, or who suffer from insomnia and depression—to turn to the Lord. The trauma I experienced has become a way of ministry to others. The plans of God and His love are wonderful! Romans 8:28 tells us that we can know “that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.” If this accident had never happened, I would not have been drawn to respond to the Gospel, because previously I was an independent, strong, and overly confident person. I never felt a need for redemption from sin; I felt I was all right and had a clear conscience.

But after the Holy Spirit revealed to me this distorted thinking, I knew my perspectives about life were at fault in many areas. Not only had I not been willing to help others, but I was reluctant to receive favors from others. I just wanted to be left alone. But after my injury, I was compelled to count on others’ help. At first, I pitied myself for being in such a shameful and miserable state. I felt guilty for owing money to others and having to depend on them for help. After I became a believer, I began to understand that when others are willing to take the initiative to help me, it actually was a blessing from the Lord. I realized I needed to receive these blessings with appreciation and gratitude. I also started to be more willing to help others in return. Seeking out the old friends I used to know and making new friends in various places, I began to build loving relationships in Christ. Always relying on prayer, I have learned to be patient with others, not to blame my parents, and not to complain. As a result, I do not feel miserable anymore.

God’s Grace is Sufficient

As I changed—and my parents saw the changes in me—they gradually changed their attitudes toward me. I am happy to say that my mother and my sister have both become Christians. Even though my father and my brother are still non-believers, I have hope of their conversion one day.

And even though I am still unable to walk by myself, I live joyously every day. Life has new meaning for me. The treatment for spinal cord injuries is still a puzzle in the realm of medical science. I am not sure if God will heal me completely or not. But He has the absolute power to do so. I firmly believe that the grace of God is sufficient for me. If it is not His will to cure me, then there must be a better plan for me—with even more bountiful blessings from Him!

(Limited in body but free in spirit, Chan Fang Ou works for a Big 4 accounting firm and serves as a volunteer online Bible teacher, while living a meaningful and joyful life. This article was written in Chinese by the author and translated into English by Brother Philip Yu.)